Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
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Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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