road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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