I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
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Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
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I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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