Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
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sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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