How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize