It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
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