She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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