She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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