I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
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My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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