i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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