i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize