it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize