i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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