I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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