Can i not drive my cunt home
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
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