What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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