So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
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She's just so happy...and so naked.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
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I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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