i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just gift wrapped bread.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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