As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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