i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize