he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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