I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
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Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
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I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize