just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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