Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
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he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't deserve a penis
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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