Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize