I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize