My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
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Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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