nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
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I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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