wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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