the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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