If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
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Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
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Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize