Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
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How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
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fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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