wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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