we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
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theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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