i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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