My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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