Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize