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she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
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