just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
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We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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