There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize