Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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