On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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