Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
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Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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