you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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