I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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