Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize