The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
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Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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