If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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