so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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