I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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